Rejection – the best kept secret…. the hidden shit… probably the shittiest one.

Sadness, anger, depression, rage, gatvolness…. they all disappear in time. But not this one!! It has the power to haunt you… to chase you…. from therapist to therapist, from disastrous relationship to the next, on and off medication… eventually ruining your life. Because rejection touches the core of your soul. It negates the essence of your being, your self-esteem – that feeling of being good-enough, worthy, self-righteous….It destroys your belief in your ability to do…..whatever you want to in life!!

My bond with Rejection started long ago… and sounds something like this….

When I was young, ………life was so wonderful
A miracle, oh it was beautiful, magical
And all the birds in the trees, well they’d be singing so happily
…joyfully, playfully watching me… (The Logical Song)

The carefree, romantic campus life at 18…. heavenly joy… no checking, no rules, no authority….blissful escape….. experience, discover, learn, practice…. the morals of the world, the rules of the universe, the ethics of the soul….preparing for the life beyond.

The Inevitable – meet the ONE… back to traditional ways…. happy, content, loved…..But it was not meant to be…

Joker is the name, poker is the game
We’ll play right here on this bed
And then we’ll bet for the biggest stakes yet
The souls of the dead
But the Devil let out a mighty shout, my hand wins
(Spanish Train)

Then the “not good enough”, rejection… why.. what have I done wrong… my fault….therapy, depression…slowly dealing….accepting….moving on…or maybe not…

The fear never leaves you. It’s there constantly.. like a shadow…keeping you from committing… resulting in conscious wrong choices… knowingly incompatible partners…. tempting fate… failure…. re-affirming suspicions, assumptions, conclusions.. a vicious circle …You distrust.. constantly questioning…doubting his loyalty, commitment, feelings, sincerity…Until you’ve succeeded. He left. Rejection repeated.

In the end, looking back at life, a road scattered with good possibilities…. if not for this fear of rejection… if only I dealt with it sooner….then this would not have been my life story;

I choose to love you in silence, for in silence I find no rejection;
I choose to love you in loneliness, for in loneliness no one owns you but me;
I choose to adore you from a distance, for distance will shield me from pain;
I choose to kiss you in the wind, for the wind is gentler than my lips. (Amalia)

HV.

Hypnotherapy and fear of rejection.

Article Written by Certified Hypnotherapist at The Healing Path – Elsa van der Merwe.

We are social beings who desire to belong. It is part of our survival instinct. Long ago survival meant belonging to and being accepted by the group/clan. Thus, when our experience is one of not being accepted, we feel rejected and hurt but most of all we fear isolation from the group.

If one experience rejection in the form of divorce or the break-up of a relationship, your mind processes this to mean you are not worthy/not good enough and it negatively affects your self confidence and self-esteem. To understand how one single experience can haunt you for the rest of your life, you need to understand how your mind processes information. Whenever one experience an event that creates a strong emotion, your senses record that information in your brain as a specific pattern. It then freezes that pattern in the mind and the brain produces a chemical that is send throughout the body. That chemical is called an emotion. That chemical (emotion) is therefor connected to the specific memory of the event that caused the emotion. Emotions are thus the chemical feedback of past experiences. Every time you think about the event you feel the exact emotion connectred to that memory.

In practise it works like this: something in your environment triggers a memory of rejection. Your subconsious mind does not differenciate between actual events happening in this moment, or memories and will therefor release the same chemicals as with the actual past event. You remember; you feel. That memory causes the emotion of rejection which trigges more thoughts and memories, more emotions, more chemicals and you experience more feelings of rejection. You get caught up in a loop of thinking that creates more feelings which leads to more thoughts about rejection. This circle of thinking and feeling eventually becomes your state of being and you are trapped in it for the rest of your life. The only way you can break this old circle is through reorganising the files in the subconsious mind. To release the connection between memory and emotion. Hipnotherapy is one of the most successful ways to address this.

Few people investigate feelings and emotions and therefor few will understand that a series of attitudes point back to rejection as the underlying problem. Symptoms of rejection may manifest as insecurity, being jealous, clinginess, phony behaviour (masks), people-pleasing, unassertiveness, passive-aggressiveness, manipulation and frustration. These feelings/emotions sometimes show up in unrelated circumstances where we do not connect them with rejection, although they may be directly related to that memory of rejection.

Hypnotherapy addresses the root folder with the information (memory) of the rejection as well as the emotional pattern connected to it. It speaks to the truth that you do not need to overvalue other peoples opinions. In hypnosis the therapist will also address building selfworth, self-confidence and self-esteem. Hypnosis can break the bonds of anxiety and access the subconsious to get rid of the negative thoughts that cause the negative feelings and in doing so break the loop of living entrapped in the past. 

Like any other inbalance you need to be educated about how rejection negatively affects your life, your potensial and your emotional wellbeing. Read, investigate, know yourself. And then seek help. Being rejected once does not need to handicap you for the rest of your life. Free yourself from this prison of the mind and live a full life. You are meant to be macnificent.

E.V.D.M.