DIVORCE IS SHIT. IT HURTS!!!
Married or Not … it’s the same.
At 25, 45, 65…it’s the same.
1st, 2nd, 3rd marriage…. it’s the same

You can’t escape it… you can’t wish it away… you have to deal with it!!!
It takes time. Not a day… not a week… not a month. Maybe years…Why? There’s FIVE STAGES OF GRIEF to work through !!!

If not, you may sound like this forever …

“I love you. I hate you.
I like you. I hate you. I love you.
I think you’re stupid. I think you’re a loser. I think you’re wonderful.
I want to be with you. I don’t want to be with you.
I would never date you.
I hate you. I love you…..
I think the madness started the moment we met and you shook my hand.
Did you have a disease or something?”
Shannon L. Alder

Psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, identified five stages of grief to get from…. hell to health –
• Denial
• Anger
• Bargaining
• Depression
• finally acceptance

Denial – that first emotion of complete and utter disbelief… the immense sadness, the pain… the heartbreak… life will never be the same… my heart has been ripped from my body. How am I ever going to get through this!!! I don’t want to go on… I don’t want to be alone, on my own, without… Life has no meaning, no purpose… too much effort to get up, to continue…. I hear his voice, I see him laugh…I smell him in my bed… I feel his hands….I miss him so…. To deny helps to soften the blow, to pretend it didn’t happen. To relive the past, slows down the process of adjusting to a new reality…

Anger – my personal favorite – in most instances the first emotion expressed… maybe easier than admitting to be scared, frightened and… it’s socially acceptable. A lot to be said about this and oh so familiar to all of us….

Bargaining – this is the time when you try and convince yourself / or your partner / spouse that the marriage / relationship can still be saved…. “the fat lady has not sung yet”… all is not lost… let’s try again… let’s go for counselling… I promise I will change… I promise I will do this… I won’t do that any more… please let’s do it for the sake of the children… OR… you convince yourself that divorce is the right decision… the marriage is over… too many wrongs can’t make a right… it should’ve happened long ago…

Depression – At some point reality dawns…you face what is happening with you… the panic subsides, loss becomes unavoidable. You withdraw, retreat into your inner space… you become less sociable… not sharing, not reaching out… grieving, mourning, reveling in your own sorrow… Isolating yourself from the outer world… deep depression and sadness.

Acceptance –  it’s NOT a sudden healing… you still feel the pain of loss. It’s just that you no longer resist reality… you deal with loss, the divorce, being alone… You embrace the support of others…. letting go of negative emotions. Overwhelming sadness gone… BUT heartache may still remain.

These stages are not fixed…not cast in stone… people grieve differently. You may go through only some of these stages, or experience them in a different order. The lines are often blurred… there is no specific time period for each… some may be quick – others may take months… or years.

We will talk about each of them individually….

(To be continued.)

HV.