My last diet attempt was in High School. My sister and I, both desperate to loose weight, borrowed a book from the library (which somehow never found it’s way back) with every possible diet under the sun. We tried them all – without much success. When I wrote this article, lo and behold there I found the book among all my late parent’s stuff!!!! And I laughed so much remembering that I had to include some of the diets for you to try out!!! Maybe you’ll have more luck than we had…sterkte.

It’s now or never….the time has come. Change!! Drastic change!!! 25 kilo’s of change…. Free the butterfly-me!!! Soul, escape from thy prison….. Spirit, shine thee light!!! Universe, prepare yourself for the Thin, oh so thin ME!!!

Google search… loose 4 kilo’s in a week… nothing!! Now what?? Kyle Loverboy is coming to visit from Dark Africa in 8 weeks!!! I need to look like Cindy Crawford, come hell or high-water. Well… maybe not exactly… she’s 179… me 163… but at least almost!!!

Wait…The Book!! Eureka!!! Egg & tomato- diet… Pomelo- diet…..Die Drie Dae Water Dieet… Maybe I must just refresh my memory… Haven’t really diet since I got married a millennium ago.. Ons dink mos ons word met blindheid geslaan wanneer die kerkdeure agter ons gatte toeslaan… sien nie die vet ophoop en klere shrink nie… stok-fokkin-blind… But that’s a story for another day. Now diet-time. The “3 day Water Diet” sounds perfect. Fokkol eating from the start!!!. Why fruit in a waterdiet?? I’ll leave that … Sommer the salad and soup too!! Plain water for 3 days. With luck I’ll loose the entire 4 kilos in the first three days!!!

Day 1: Water, water and nogmaals water – I don’t feel very well… read “blitsdiete en vas: Terwyl jy vas.. bly warm… rustige wandeling…” Ok, take dogs for walk. Oh my word!! 100m and I want to die!!! Turn back… dogs very upset…. another day my doggies… Mommy’s dying… read -“Die eerste dag … ergste.. duiselig, naar, hoofpyn.. Geen rede tot kommer…benodig water…” Drink more water. Now really feeling bad. Read… “goed om bietjie te slaap…” get into bed at 17h00… sleep ’till next morning..

Day 2: Crawling out of bed. Faint at work… sent home… drink water…. sleep… extreme headache… dogs upset…haven’t seen food for two days….

Day 3: Didn’t make it to work… son climbing through window.. drag me to hospital…dehydrated, drip… supervision… discharged…

Day 4: Getting on scale… nearly admitted to hospital again!!! Lost nothing – not one kilo. Cried myself to sleep.. 3 days wasted for nothing!!! And I thought it was going to be so easy..

Next morning: Positive thinking. Eier & Tamatie dieet – eat one hard boiled egg and one small tomato 1 – 6 times a day for 4 days. Well, at least I won’t be starving on water again. So 6 eggs a day it will be… Day 2 – I thought I was going to cackle at the sight of another egg!! Day 3 – net die reuk van ‘n eier genoeg om my badkamer toe te jaag…. hoe gaan ek dag 4 haal??? Everything smelled of egg…

Day 4 – lost 1.8 kilos. Ag nee!!! At this pace Loverboy will find me as fat as I’m now!!! I’ve run out of options…Die donnerse boek beteken steeds fokkol… net soos 100 jaar gelede!!!

Phone Brenda. Dr xxxx ….. injections, medication, controlled diet…. appointment…

Day 1: Torture…. took me 20 minutes to inject myself… dizzy, lightheaded… no appetite..

Day 2 – 7: Getting better… day 7… OH MY WORD!!!! LOST 4.2 Kilos!!! Blessed…20 more to go….

Week 2, 3 and 4 not good at all… only lost 4…. and bankrupt… Depressed, miserable, hopeless, suicidal…..eventually a visit to my therapist…. Love yourself for who you are. Tempted….. but NO…. not yet…

Proper dietician… balanced diet… slow weight loss…. But what about Loverboy?? I have to duck his visit… The man is determined. After 3 months on the phone, he is coming!!! And he saw my photo’s of years ago!!! I will definitely lose him…Come on.. think hard and think fast….

(to continue)

HV..