Anger
Anger is the clash of fear, hurt and rage
It’s the feeling of madness, emptiness and pain
Of telling yourself one thing and feeling another
Of hurting deep inside and layering one the covers
Fear of being scared, hurt or upset
Of having to face something you’d rather forget
Hurt from experience or something that’s hard
So you brick up your wall and put up your guard
Rage of pain being screwed up inside
Thinking that you’re not good enough
Feelings can hurt, can tear you apart
Can mix up your head and split up your heart.
Patricia McLaren

Anger. Like a thief… seeping into your life… unnoticed, unobserved… silently. One day sad – the next fuming. It becomes a driving force… born from the realization of lost control. Over oneself, the future, the wasted sacrifices… the devotion, the blind eye, the other cheek, the silent suffering. All in vain… for nothing. Efforts pointless, meaningless, empty.

Anger is all-consuming… mostly directed at family, children, friends… and life itself. It’s an urge to hurt, to destroy… as you were hurt…destroyed.

You wake up angry. You go to be bed angry.

Anger motivates your every decision, action, gesture, motivation. It becomes your purpose, your aim… To lash out to… to cause harm, notwithstanding… despite… regardless. It’s driven by an immense pain, an enormous hurt… that cannot be escaped, cannot be discarded.

The irony – others accept it… condone it, understand it… sympathize with… identify with. Which only strengthens the emotion… more anger… more hurt.. more self-destruction.

Because Anger in itself is destructive.

The healing lesson:

For as long as you remain angry, you will remain connected to… he lives rent-free in your mind, where you imagine what you’d like to say or do to him. Only when you reach the stage of indifference, you will be healed. Indifference is the true opposite of love because it means there is no longer an emotional connection between you and him.

The four stages to deal with ANGER;

  1. RENEW YOUR SURROUNDINGS
    Everything you see reminds you of the Old Days. People, places, things. Each time you see, smell, hear, or feel something from those days you get flat out MAD. So, move stuff around. Throw things out. Give things away. Switch it up!
    2. REFRESH YOURSELF
    Once you’ve purged everything around you that reminds you of him and triggers all that anger, it’s time to focus on yourself. Begin with your inside and focus on the reasons why you are so very angry. Ways to do this include:
    • Go to a therapist, preferably one who is experienced with divorce, and not the same one you went to if you tried marriage counselling, as this could trigger emotions just being in the same office.
    • Speak with a divorce coach who is an expert in dealing with anger issues during and post-divorce.
    • Start journaling. Write down how you are feeling every day to process through your grief, anger and sadness. By talking to yourself via pen and paper you give yourself the freedom to say exactly how you feel without any judgment or regret.
    • Go to a meditation workshop or a hot yoga session. Each of these activities prescribes a meditation system that will help you focus on the happiness inside of you.
    • If you have a wonderful friend or close connection with a family member lean on their shoulders when you are in crisis mode.
    • The goal is to find support and a way to re-channel your anger, whether through talking to someone or being totally silent in order to let your emotions go.
    3.  CLEAR YOUR EX FROM SOCIAL MEDIA
    Washing him out of your hair is not enough! Delete, delete, delete that ex from your social media pictures, postings, and friends’ lists. Get rid of these artifacts completely so you aren’t reminded of him when on social media. No more going through pictures from the golden days.
    4.  AVOID FUTURE ARGUMENTS
    Choose your battles. Whether fighting about custody or financial accounts, everything has its place. You may not want to give a little in any area, but you can’t fight about everything just for the sake of fighting. You’ve probably heard this but do it now: Pick the areas that mean the most to you, and use your energy to fight those battles. Let the others slide and avoid conflict just for the sake of the fight. Be the better person. Avoid activities such as hiring a private detective to spy on him / your ex or stalking or sneaking around after him yourself. Doing this is only going to make you angrier.

Follow these steps and destroy Anger before Anger destroys you.

(to be continued)