*This is for my far off friend who is oblivious of his un-dealt issues – trapped in rage – on the rebound…

8 months after my divorce I open my eyes.. 07h00. Something’s different about this Saturday… Oh my word!!! I’m not sad!!! My eyes and face are’nt swollen from all the crying!!! Thank you God. Thank You!!!! Need to get out of bed, embrace this glorious day.. Standing on the balcony… spreading my arms, hugging the universe….energy pumping through my veins…unexpected zest for life.

Shopping!!! Mall, here I come… 15kg ligter, hare blonde streaks …. Mann!! I look 10 years younger and I am going to flaunt it!!! Starting off with “The Barn” tonight… ages since I’ve been on a dancefloor. Phone Brenda.. staatmaker, altyd game. Now for the attire to fit the new me… sexy, sexy, revealing… die manne se tonge moet op die grond sleep van lus!!!

Black leather mini skirt… lace top.. stiletto heels… skrik toe in die spieel kyk!!! The top does’nt leave much for the imagination…. Ag fok dit.. for 8 months I lived like a Nun. Now it’s time for Fun. Not as if EX-HUBBY is living like a Preacher.. banging that slut he left me for…. Now it’s my turn!!! I will show him what he lost… One day he will regret his mistake… would want me back….. AND IT WOULD BE TOO LATE!!! But that’s for the future. Now I must focus on tonight.. How to look stunning, irresistable and super-sexy….

The Barn crowded. I made the entrance… aware of the eyes… knowing I look the part… eyes lingering… lock a pair of smoldering greys… smiled slightly.. looked away… slowly moving forward… eyes following my every move…feigning ignorance, non-chalant…

On the dancefloor, moving provocatively, deliberately centre stage….. enjoying every moment…the desirious looks, lustful eyes.. envious women….feeling exhilarated, exiting, victorious… why?? I had no idea. Somewhere in the back of my mind I was imagining my EX staring at me in absolute awe… Unbelievingly, remorsefully…. regretting his decision…. wanting to turn back time…

Men coming and going…. competing for attention.. buying drinks, offerings of blissful happiness, eternal orgasms… leisurely pleasures. Why these months of wasted tears… life goes on. I’ve missed so much!!! For nothing!!! Wildly accepting invitations…dating endlessly… a different man for every occassion… searching, looking, probing…..not finding. Why this constant emptiness?? A hole that cannot be filled… Making promises.. breaking promises.. No care, no decency, no guilt, no respect, no honour. No Feelings….Blocking, deleting, ignoring, lying…..A new ME – A despicable ME

Just so much of sex.. so much drink.. so much laughter… so much….No more. Hurting souls in my quest… the innocent, the not-knowing, the not-understanding…. damaged ego’s, scarred self-esteem… This realisation will come later.. for now it’s about me, the urge to hurt… as I was hurt… not understanding the road to health… that this is but one small step closer on the road

FROM HELL TO HEALTH…

HV.